Befriending Trauma

This is the first time I have ever been able to write about this topic in a manner of such. It is the first direct, voluntary piece from my healing journey. It is the first one I tremble not from terror but a burning, fiery hope.

~

My compassion for humanity

is my biggest weakness.

My empathy is my superpower

But it is also my greatest enemy

I am you

In every pain you bear

In every hardship you hide

In every secret tear you shed

It is all mine.

I am me

In every moment I am weakened

In every moment I am hurt

In every moment I am threatened

In every moment I am suffocating

It is all mine.

But while they forget or avoid, I cannot.

I can never forget

I can only pretend

because from my empathy,

something that is like fire is birthed —

an explosive passion,

a deep rage

And it is all mine

Even the days I do not want it.

~

Acknowledging what not a soul knows

Remembering what has been forgotten

What has been trained to be buried deep within the crevices of the mind

is feeling the horror again

is gripping my metaphorical fists

clenching my jaw

hardening my heart

silencing my tongue

and living it once more

Just uttering the truth to a stranger is enough to destroy me.

But only if I let it.

I stay seated.

I use my mind to glue my body to the chair.

This is all worth it.

~

I am on a lifelong journey

One that only I can be on

One that only I can truly understand

To not confront is to not self validate

To not validate is to not heal

It happened, it happens

And it does not fade away into the wind.

And I stand today and admit all of it.

I am strong and brave enough to face it and be vulnerable even to a degree I hate.

Because this is the first step of my healing.