Staring at Old Photographs

I don’t really know why I wrote this, it came from my subconscious but here it is.

—

I know now why I wrote this, the past few years of my life have been very difficult and not once do I acknowledge that and what it has made me into with pride. I am proud of the pains of the past, I acknowledge that they happened. I am so proud of the growth, change and person it has made me. For once instead of suppressing and always thinking I could be more — I will acknowledge what I am.

—

Time chips away at her innocence

Brought into this big wide world pure and naive,

When I look at those old photographs and fading memories of what once was

There is this unruly joy and nostalgia,

But it is curtained by the shame and disbelief —

Who was she? Why can I not recognise what it is I look at?

Her mistakes are justified, she was only a child

Yet — it still nags at her conscious

Forgive, Forgive, Forgive

So she lets it go

Truly there is a beauty and strength to what she has grown into

And for once, she allows herself to acknowledge it with pride and gratitude

She smiles, a sad knowing smile.

—

She was much too premature as the world took her innocence

A child thrown into an adult world

No one told her to close her eyes

And so she watched and watched

Gaping and squinting

Questioning and wandering

Gasping and sighing

Falling and standing

She ripened at a tender age

—

Secrets and stories now follow her like shadows

But they are not hidden nor are they evil

They carry and guide

Shape and mould

Make her into the woman she was destined to become.

She smiles, there was always a greater purpose.