The Bad Days

A wave of sadness suddenly hits me

It consumes the shell I have become

Where am I going?

For how much longer till my motivation meets me once more?

Shackled by my mind —

My body does not move the way it used to

Debilitated by the energy I can no longer find

All those hours wasted

All that work, knowledge forgotten

Why am I going backwards?

How many more days, months until I get up again?

For how much longer?

I’m sorry for my absence

I’m sorry to the people who miss me

I’m sorry about all those unopened messages

I’m sorry for my mindless presence

I’m sorry for slipping away

I’m sorry that my pain is your pain

I am truly sorry.

I promise I'll make up for it, I just need time.

The truth is my mental game has been low for a while now

My mental space always preoccupied

And I just don’t know how I must clear it

Please Allah, Please Allah

Hear my desperation, my strangling spirit

Respond to my fallen soul

And blow life into it once more

One that is persistent in staying.

Please Allah, Please Allah

I do not want mere existence anymore, I want the beauty of life again.