What is Love?
Love is such a universal word and concept that means so many different things to different people. It has shaped and created the world as we know it — without the natural need that Allah places within us to find a romantic partner and crave intimacy, procreation would not be possible. Love is what forms human civilisation, generations, gives meaning to life, creates families and sometimes even breaks them too.
Just as all concepts are interpreted differently from person to person — love is one that is no exception. I used to be naive and think that most of the people around me view love from the same lens as I, but this most certainly is not the case. The idea of love elicits a different response depending on ones context, culture and experiences — & I would now even go as far to say the word (arguably) means something different for each and every individual. Love comes in many different types — I can talk about love for pages and pages, love for Allah, His Prophet, and Islam altogether. Love for my parents, my siblings, friends, other humans, sunny days, long car rides, nice food, a stroll through the park alone and all that other good stuff. But what about love in a romantic sense? That is what I’ll talk about a bit today.
From the very beginning of time, this word has always had so many “tions” attached to it — notions, dictations, expectations and connotations. We are bombarded by the false idea of love from everything around us — society, pop culture, the community, etc. The pure and real idea of love has in turn become distorted — over romanticised, attached to materialism, no more individualism,this concept that it has to be undying passion to this one person. Surely that can’t be love?
For me personally, I’ve realised that this word cannot be used cheaply in a romantic sense. In a vocabulary list — it is the most expensive of its kind. It’s a word that is not one to be said and received lightly — for instance if I was romantically affiliated with someone, perhaps I could say “I like them so much” or “I really really REALLY like them” but I don’t think I could say “I love them” until a substantial while after. It just goes against every engraved instinct of mine, because for me this word “love” is too sacred, raw, beautiful and perfect to be used without extremely deep thought, knowledge, consideration and conviction. I watched a Bollywood movie the other day and when the main characters from the love triangle discovered they had feelings for one another, they announced “I love so and so” — and I remember thinking the usage of that phrase was ridiculous. Real love is only possible when two humans reciprocate completely, using the word “love” when it is one-sided is not a true demonstration of the word.
Earlier, I ironically used the word “perfect” to describe love although no relationship is perfect — but I believe love can be perfect when two people learn to love each other’s imperfections. This can only happen though when a couple first truly know each other’s imperfections which can only come from living with each other for a while. So imo “love” before that can be love yes, but not true love. When two imperfect humans learn each other’s shortcomings and then proceed to love, accept and thrive off each other’s flaws, unique characteristics and the things that make them, them — that is love. Love is not just excitement, banter, lust, butterflies, a deep connection, amazing chemistry or a degree of commitment. All of that fades, love is a friendship that grows everyday — but remember friendships like any relationships have dips too. Love is the making of a promise (nikkah) to someone by Allah and then waking up every day choosing to love them and keep that promise by fulfilling their rights for the sake of God. Love is caring for the person and doing things for their best interest even when you don’t want to, or feel any of the positive “love” towards them in that moment in time. Love is honouring an oath.
To love — you must experience life’s trials and triumphs with them, to love — you must witness your partner at their very worst and very best of moments. Real love can only exist in a marriage that is purely for the sake of Allah and is seen as a means for one to enter Jannah. But at the same time no matter how sincere that may be, it is more than just deciding that “yes I know this is for Allahs sake” — real love can only be developed after the honey moon phase is long gone, when both sides struggle and are pushed out of their comfort zones, yet they choose to compromise for each other and overcome, grow and persevere together.
Anyways that was a spill of my own thoughts — did this challenge your understanding, mirror it, add to it? I am very curious to hear the thoughts of the reader.
